Wonder....

Do you ever find yourself lost in a dream only your wide awake? Your eyes don't blink, but only flutter while you feel your gaze blurred and frozen in a moment? It's like your aware that your in this trance yet you allow yourself to be paralyzed? 

I constantly find myself fantasizing about leaving my whole life. Just up and getting on a plane to a foreign land. What if one day you just shut off your phone, and never look into the Internet. I wonder about possibly leaving my social media like a ghost town. And wandering the world under new pretenses. I would live minimal of course and find ways to make money. I look at this fantasy I have and wonder about it often. I laugh and think, yeah right I could never do that. But why not? So what If I have worked my whole life to have my profession, my friends, and life that I live. If I leave it all, will that actually diminish all of my experience? No. I would still be evolved from it, but I won't have the physical things to gauge my existence. What if we allow ourselves to let go of that routine we hold so close? The gym, hair, drinks at our favorite spot. The constant hustle to get another job, to buy another dress, to walk another Red Carpet. All for what? Our happiness is not based on our possessions, though we are all victims of measuring our success through material things. What do I have to show for myself? Well, if I am happy inside I can spread my joy and my wisdom and that should be enough. 

It seems silly to me to even put these words into writing. You see, I enjoy my work, I enjoy my art and my routine and my adventures that pop up in between the norm. But, I still wonder about the peace of not caring about any of that. About going away with a sketchpad and a few pencils. To wear comfortable shoes and have a small bag of casual clothes. I might collect things along the way and document my hearts stirrings. But, then where would I end up? We will never know....and may never know. I don't think I'll actually ever do it. It is interesting to imagine it.

It is amazing how one moment and one choice will always alter our destiny in some way. Sometimes it isn't even immediately visible, and sometimes it is extremely apparent. Looking at that image can be quite cathartic. There are so may ways to look at one thing. It is all completely subjective, but the opinion our individual brains have on each moment are really just a balance of our past experiences. No person is really right or wrong about their opinion, because it is their opinion based on the knowledge they chose for themselves, whether it be intentionally learned or not. We all live with our greatest intentions in mind. Even evil comes from good intentions. There is something in this evil deed that will come from a place of need. The need is always going to grow out of our individual experiences, melding us into this one creature at this moment, and once the moment has passed and the choice is made, there is no going back. Our choices may not always seem right, but they must be accepted in order to reap some sort of benefit from it.

I made the choice to be an Actress, just one day when someone told me at a random lunch I didn't even want to go to, that I can make my dreams come true and to just give it a solid try. That single moment changed my destiny. 

I am not looking at this broad spectrum of possibility to freak myself out or to become paranoid about my every move, but to be open and willing to not force my destiny. To allow my best intentions to open each passage to the next experience. 

Wonder and imagination are such beautiful gifts we are all given. As children we have endless imaginations and the only thing that ever changes those views are strikes to the heart. I advise for us all to allow our greatest imaginations to take over. Even if you are the most serious Lawyer in the world or an Artist who paints in a random basement. The tangible world around us is only one factor of what we perceive. Our dreams and our inner worlds are really what makes our souls become who we are, thus causing our world to look and feel the way it does. 

I am a little nervous to share this. I wonder why? Maybe because I have shared something quite broad and vulnerable as this once before and wasn't taken seriously or I caused some sort of unease that I wasn't intending. Just know if you just read this passage, I am being open, honest, and a bit brave about sharing my view. It doesn't mean I am asking for anyone to agree with me or not. I truly believe in communication being a huge part of our society. Our future, our past, and our present. All of which are determined by the communication of our countries and our communities. We should all feel free to speak our truth, as long as it is true to your heart and not a way of violating another. If you want to violate someone, I think you should try to see deeper into the cause of that and find the most tactile way to approach the issue. When someone violates another, essentially it is with the intention of proving your own view. We cannot ever expect anyone to respond to negativity in a positive way. Some may be able to cope with it, but most will not and it will only make the problem worse. We should do ourselves the favor by not reacting emotionally but letting our emotions absorb and digest in order to react with a conscious effort.

Ha this has turned into quite a different blog than I intended..... ;)

Finding Free

I feel a switch turn off,

and boom - I'm done.

Where does the deepest seed come from?

When I get so much,

a little feels like nothing,

though, tireless hits blow the circuit.

A simple balance is aware, yet there is a constant 

self inflicted fear of the unknown,

Fore every moment is understood as a lesson.

Though, some lessons are subliminal and stored behind shadows.

Constant open heart, 

letting all of the worlds dirty hands reach in,

washing away their pain with my tears.

As I drown their fears.

I Luxuriate in electrifying.

Many falling colors - from my pillow tongue.

Lips let loose, pours out the rainbow.

Connections to elements are free-falling,

At peace with a piece of the pie,

under four walls covered in photos from the past.

Learning how to allow,

and bring whats within,

out.

To share our colors with the world.

Let the Doomsday down

and bring up all frowns, from all around.

Significant others will find their path

into the puzzle meant to piece.

Glued to the big screen.

A flash of lights.

Laughs.

Fun,

Freedom...

WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ZODIAC?

This year _2013_ is the year of the Water (black) Snake...

MY SIGN IS THE EARTH SNAKE.....

Earth Snake Chinese Zodiac

If you're an Earth Snake, you're the warmest Snake of all! Your manner is easygoing, honest, considerate, and quite charming.
You have a practical, logical mind. Earth Snakes are often very successful in financial matters. You arc sensible, hardworking, and reliable. Taking risks is not your natural way of doing things. You prefer a steadier, more systematic approach. With sustained effort and by calculating your moves ahead of time, you can succeed in building a stable and comfortable life. Like all Snakes, you derive much pleasure from possessing beautiful material things.

Once you've made up your mind about someone or something, you rarely change your opinion because you've given the matter very careful thought. Actually, you are quite a forward-thinker and can predict the future with a fair bit of accuracy based on your observations. Trust your excellent hunches and you can satisfy your ambitions.

People gravitate to you because you naturally try to form a good opinion of everyone. Group activities, or memberships in social or sport clubs, suit your |convivial, sociable nature. Your friends particularly appreciate the loyalty and support you readily offer. A basic trust in others and yourself can guarantee easy relationships and a peaceful, happy existence.

TO FIND YOUR SIGN-

Your Chinese Zodiac and Element

Passing Hours.....

Do you ever lay in bed awake all night just wishing for the hours to pass? - For the memories and thoughts to quiet? - Wonder - Anxiety - Hypotheses' - Doubt - Fury - Scared Excitement - Anxious for what's next.... How can this be used? Where can I deflate this energy? Usually bright with light, emanating glory or directional optimism, but the truth is: The brightest light shines from the darkest places.... Dimensional and true to the human spirit. Not negative. Practical and mutual consensus to the muti-faceted psyche.....


DRIP.
Cheek smear.
DRIP.
Drop off the lip of my bottom lid.  Black.
DRIP.
Heavy.  Air thin.  Breath deep.  Heart flattened.  Light burning.  High threshold for pleasure resistance. Unkept dreams fleeing.  Male dominance ringing in my canal between both ears.  Ding.  Dong.
DRIP.
Eyes boggle back and forth.  Fast crash.  No return.  Totaled.
DRIP.
Rain. Stiff feet emerged beneath my own rippled puddle. Cold. Rainbow glow gone grey.  Flash.  Lightning.  Still awake.  Jaded smile.  Attempt to get back.
DRIP.
DRIP.
Smear.  Black.  Snake.  Slither.  Rattle.
DRIP....

Infinite Inspiration

Infinite Inspiration

   Living in the Law of Attraction is not something to snicker at. Our minds can lock the doors of inspiration due to a time we once failed. Eeek- no one likes that word! Failure, something to scare your subconscious into hiding the key and letting the hard rusted edges of the doors grow mold. Wow, sounds like something diseased may live inside. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. A suicide of sorts. The block to opening that door and cleaning out the room is caused by various instances. All usually fall under the category of fear and failure. We don't know anything as children until we learn it. Fear and failure are learned by the belief that something you say or do agrees with your surroundings. Not usually the case. We all have different opinions based on our prior circumstances, usually dating back to a startling mystical lifetime we only have memories of, childhood. It doesn't matter if we can remember what happened to cake on the mold in that door. The door to our freedom. It matters to know there is an existence we surrender to that is holding the general population back from their dreams. 

      It is all in us. The power to do whatever we desire. There is nothing holding any of us back, except for that damn door! How do we fix this? EASY BREEZY BABY! Awareness! Hmmm..... Being aware of the fact that you may have a closet sitting in your gut too. It can be a pink midget door or a green giant door. Of course some are easier to open, but it's all possible. I repeat: IT IS ALL POSSIBLE!

     Something we may perceive as failure is actually insecurity. Who freaking cares if you don't get the role you auditioned for? It's not about the role, it's about what you received in that moment. It was a lesson, and another step in the right direction. The arrow pointing towards awareness! Let's get in the dreamy convertible car, drive down the winding hills, and let the breeze fill our wings. Fly out of the car and soar to the first cleaning supply store. Trinkle bleach on the hinges and open that door!

     Be happy you showed up, be happy you woke up today, be happy you have an opportunity to learn even if it doesn't turn out the way you envision. Try going in without expectation and allow your days to surprise you. Certainly we need to pave our own path, BUT this doesn't mean we know what the path will look like if we haven't already seen it yet! If something doesn't turn out the way you wanted, embrace it, and learn from it. LOVE IT, because it is forming you, your future, and the future of others surrounding you. Love yourself and allow yourself to fly with your higher power. Your heart will lead you...your brain is all intellect and only knows facts from experience. Energy comes from the heart, and energy never lies.

      The Power of Attraction will always bring you what you need and what you focus on. If everything is a lesson and an important one, taken on a positive note, then more positive experiences will come your way. It will happen! FACT. 

I am way too exhausted, i should be asleep. Something says write! So here we go....

Best advice that came through my stream of consiousness today was to allow everything in life to reveal itself to you. In Meditation we can change the way our chemistry works. We can manifest whatever we want and need in this life. If your new to Meditation you must give it time and try not to expect anything from it. How can you try to get somewhere when you really don't have any real control over your future? We can only make this moment the best by accepting it and finding the lesson in it. Everything we are handed is something that we asked for. Sometimes our life lessons are painful and sometimes blissful. In this, we are given the gift of growth. When you sit to meditate just work on one thing and that is to be open to letting in whatever comes. In acting and working on your craft you can't force something to happen. You can't preconceive and idea of what you need to accomplish because something else may come up. Most of the time every situation your in will surprise you. I am babbling i need to sleep! Hopefully I am making sense.

All in all, I am trying to express to you to allow, be grateful, don't analayse and just BE! Thats all you can do, and thats all you should do. In being open to everything, the best will always come. Forcing causes suffering.
Go
Fly
Breathe
Accept
Love
Connect
Don't work, strive
be your best and the best will follow.

If you have an impulse, where is it coming from?
What do you think your subconscious is trying to reveal to you?
Dream!


Sweet Dreams!

Lost and Found

       There are many times in life we feel lost. These feelings will fall away and reoccur along our path throughout our whole lives. This inclination of dropped spirits usually consists of anxiety, possible depression, a feeling of, "I don't no what I am doing or where I am going, I want to HIDE forever." It sounds pretty bad right? Well what changes it? We get an "AHA" moment of discovery and we see where to go next and things eventually smooth out on their own. Having these feelings are healthy and good actually because they usually set you up for a deeper discovery and a more exciting future. 
         This can be used in many parallels but as an example: Whenever I approach a new character I have a freak out moment! I think, "What the hell am I doing, I have no idea why I am doing this, I want to run away and hide from the world!" That is usually because the task at hand has so much variety and has a vast space full of possibility. This load of invisible future is hard to wrap your head around, so panic sets in. It is funny because it happens every time for me and I always end up working it out. 
          The way to solve these problems are to FOCUS on one thing. Something that starts you off to sit on and grow. We need a strong foundation in everything we do or it will fall apart.
         I see people around me going through it all the time and it saddens me to see this struggle. At the same time it is so human, so real, and so pure where it comes from. It is because this person has a heart, its because they care! 
        My best advice if you are in this situation now, or find yourself there in the future. Always know that it isn't always a bad place to be because when you don't know is when you are on the brink of discovery. If you see someone else in this position you should give them a hug and remind them how much they have to offer and just to relax and focus. Nothing gets done in a state of tension.
       Following your heart will always set you along the right path. Confusion is a word we use to block how clear we really are. All the answers are there you just have to let yourself see them. If it doesn't come right away distract yourself in something you love, like painting or yoga. Then relax and say I don't care if I find out. That's when you find it! Its like losing your keys and you look EVERYWHERE the second you give up, you see they were in your hand the whole time. :)
       Feeling lost is okay as long as you can allow yourself to be found.