Lost and Found

       There are many times in life we feel lost. These feelings will fall away and reoccur along our path throughout our whole lives. This inclination of dropped spirits usually consists of anxiety, possible depression, a feeling of, "I don't no what I am doing or where I am going, I want to HIDE forever." It sounds pretty bad right? Well what changes it? We get an "AHA" moment of discovery and we see where to go next and things eventually smooth out on their own. Having these feelings are healthy and good actually because they usually set you up for a deeper discovery and a more exciting future. 
         This can be used in many parallels but as an example: Whenever I approach a new character I have a freak out moment! I think, "What the hell am I doing, I have no idea why I am doing this, I want to run away and hide from the world!" That is usually because the task at hand has so much variety and has a vast space full of possibility. This load of invisible future is hard to wrap your head around, so panic sets in. It is funny because it happens every time for me and I always end up working it out. 
          The way to solve these problems are to FOCUS on one thing. Something that starts you off to sit on and grow. We need a strong foundation in everything we do or it will fall apart.
         I see people around me going through it all the time and it saddens me to see this struggle. At the same time it is so human, so real, and so pure where it comes from. It is because this person has a heart, its because they care! 
        My best advice if you are in this situation now, or find yourself there in the future. Always know that it isn't always a bad place to be because when you don't know is when you are on the brink of discovery. If you see someone else in this position you should give them a hug and remind them how much they have to offer and just to relax and focus. Nothing gets done in a state of tension.
       Following your heart will always set you along the right path. Confusion is a word we use to block how clear we really are. All the answers are there you just have to let yourself see them. If it doesn't come right away distract yourself in something you love, like painting or yoga. Then relax and say I don't care if I find out. That's when you find it! Its like losing your keys and you look EVERYWHERE the second you give up, you see they were in your hand the whole time. :)
       Feeling lost is okay as long as you can allow yourself to be found.

Habits can kill you.....

So I am taking it to an extreme when I say habits can kill you, but they can lead your brain in to a dying state. 

In life as we grow up we are CONSTANTLY learning new things every second. Our brain is like a sponge as a child (So they say) The brain doesn't stop absorbing knowledge because it is full, or incapable of doing so. The brain can slow down as we age because the MUSCLE is getting weak.  For example: During physical exercise you will notice when your muscles are strong or neglected. OUT OF SHAPE is due to lack of exercise. Same with our brain.

WHY does it get weak you ask? HABIT! We grow and things become "Second Nature." This means we do things without having to think of them out of habit. For instance I am typing right now without looking at the keys because of the habit I have formed. We brush our teeth, our hair, wash our bodies, walk, run, chew, etc. pretty much exactly the same way all the time. We view the same street we walk down everyday as just getting home, but when you walk down a new street do you not find yourself observing it more? When you learn a new language or read a book you are waking up the muscles of the brain. If you move your body in a new way it feels awkward because your brain is like, WOAH WHAT WAS THAT? I've never felt that...! In this theory I believe our brains are used less and less as we get older making it harder to retain knowledge and eventually parts of our brain stop being used all together and  can lead to dementia, Alzheimer's, or just stupidity. THIS DOESN'T mean your stupid though, it is always possible to restrengthen your brain. Just like the going to the gym it is hard to get started but them it becomes a passion, or even a nisesity.

A great way to get your brain flowing is to try something new and DON'T give up if it feels weird and you believe "Oh this isn't for me." Usually when I go to a new dance class and I am not getting the steps it is easy to say I am just not good at that form of dance. NO!! After your body gets it a little it becomes SO much fun! Same with reading, when I was a kid I HATED reading because I was slightly dyslexic and felt stupid. Something in me clicked one day and I decided I am going to read all these books this month. It was hard at first but eventually I was loving it and now I have to say reading is one of my favorite things. It is great absorbing new knowledge and finding new interests. It keeps life exciting and constantly stimulating.

None of what I am saying are PROVEN FACTS, but as I was reading a book from one of the most famous psychologists, Carl Jung, I discovered that he thinks there is never going to be a proven fact 100%. There can be a very good, overworked, estimated answer that we will repeat because it is coming up with an answer we like. Though, this doesn't really mean one day something can't take another form. It is really interesting to me to learn how our brain and thoughts are all determined by our memory. Thinking happens so fast but all it is is our subconscious remembering past experiences. Our past knowledge is settled in to the crevices of our brain from our parents, friends, teachers, strangers, etc. This being the case, we must realize that the same thing we are getting from them they got from their background. It is an ongoing cycle of knowledge passed down from generation to generation and can evolve but will basically take similar form. Having more knowledge will make you better at decision making and "instinct" will kick in from your subconscious mind. This doesn't take away the fact that personal learning experiences don't contribute, because they do 100%. Now I don't believe there will ever be an ANSWER to much of anything, even what I am stating here will never be proven. The awareness Jung brings to broaden the horizons of life are the wonderful possibilities of happiness and hunger for passion.


I went a bit off track from HABITS, but my inspiration behind this blog has come from what I just absorbed. Sharing this information with people will hopefully build up their awareness and strike some interest in finding out more. My hopes are to inspire whoever reads this to go about the world a little differently in subtle changes to help enrich their lives and the lives around them. This life is an ongoing cycle and needs to be explored because if we weren't meant to explore it I don't think it would be explorable in the first place. Hopefully I was able to help at least one person passing on the knowledge someone generously passed on to me.

Take it to the next step- Find out more in your own research
I am reading "The Portable JUNG," by Joseph Campbell. (FASCINATING!)
Try something new!
Change some habits (brush your teeth with opposite hand)
Wake up your brain!

All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy. What right have we then to depreciate imagination. 
Carl Jung

~I thank Elizabeth for her guidance.

Sounds for The Soul....

      Music! So many varieties, so many stories told. The odd thing about music is that we understand and respond to it without actually having to learn it. Each phrase has a history and nuances. Music goes right to the heart always and can completely change a mood and energy instantly. With a little melody you can be cleaning your place like the Maid from The Ritz. You could get home from your four mile run like a flash before your eyes and realize, "Was I even there? How did I get home so fast." You could go to a Spa and without the soothing melodies you would never want to pay these high prices for an hour message. Music is so powerful, it could be considered another language that is universal. Even music that comes from foreign countries, somehow we get it. 
           It is quite interesting to listen to music and think about what this person was going through when they wrote it and decided to generously share their personal diaries to the world. Imagine how Beethoven was feeling when he composed the infamous sounds that live on forever. Art is all created from day to day experiences. When your heart hurts its usually when the most beautiful art is created. I believe this is because you are in you heart whether you like it or not, your body is fully aware and emotionally open, causing ourselves to spill out vulnerability like its iced tea on a hot day. If your feeling hyped and happy that too is in your heart, it pumps faster causing more circulation in your veins giving you a bouncy energy. This could be caused by an outside experience that has lifted you and inspired you, so again you are in your heart ready to pop off inspiration and share it with the world. 
            I use music almost always in my acting work. It has the power to quickly bring me back to a time in my life that can fit the character. I believe that to recreate the music using sensory experience first is the ideal way to go about hearing the music, to use it without anyone else having a clue as to what you are doing. In the beginning stages or rehearsal that is most effective. If you have something last minute though you can use it to crack the seal, acknowledge where this certain emotion is coming from and when you let the music go, as long as you know what it is you've conjured up you can hold on to it and continue to let it seep through with appropriate timing. I listen to the genre and time period of music that my character would listen to. For Example: When I work on Tennessee Williams I always listen to Bobby Darren. His songs give me the feel of a hot dry Texas day, with broad horizons and farm animals nearby. I can smell cow manure and hear the chickens cackle. When I worked on the last film I did, set in the 1950's, I listened to 50's Pandora Radio and a lot of Marilyn Monroe. It made me feel elegant and proper to be listening to this. I could feel the diamonds around my neck and the calm slow moving gestures of a lady in this time. There are so many ways we can use music to help us out of a rut that it boggles my mind as to exactly why our bodies react in this way. Maybe it has to do with being in the mothers womb and hearing the heart beat at a constant rhythm. That would just be my possible hypothesis. It could date back to our ancient ancestors who would bang together sticks and stones to pass time and dance around the fire. Whatever it is I am thankful to have a world full of music of all types. Imagine a world without music?! ....SCARY!

Taking Risk....

“You have to risk going too far to discover just how far you can really go.”


    I've grown to experience my greatest moments always come when I allow myself to risk. When you hear risk the immediate response is usually danger, or failure. Now it is not typical for people to want to put themselves through that but the world was pretty much built on failure. It is trial and error which makes people learn and grow. There will always be more to learn but I have noticed that lessons are best learned on your own. People can give you as much advice as they want and you can chose whether or not to hear them, but in the end no matter what anyone says your still most likely going to do what you want. 


    A few years ago I was shooting a movie in Mumbai. The lead actor in the film was a man Anupam Kher. He owns the biggest acting school in the city. He asked me if I wanted to give a guest lecture to some of the students. I could have easily said, well I am not really prepared and denied this. I had absolutely no time to prepare with an open auditorium full of students and an empty stage with a chair and a small table with a glass of water on it. He said you have two hours! When this hit me the sight of that chair and that stage grew eerie and distant yet magnetic and caused a nervous charge throughout my whole body. "Two hours, about what?, What do I say? How do I start? What if I am boring or don't know how to answer them?" All these thoughts arose in me, but then I said well you have nothing to lose so just go for it. Take a risk at them hating you, how bad can it be. I must say that experience was amazing. I shocked myself at how much information I knew about acting and the industry. I was able to answer all their questions and make them laugh. It was so much fun the time flew by and before I knew it they were cutting me off  because I was going over! At this point is when I realized I would love to teach, it felt so good to share my well earned knowledge with other growing minds. When I returned to the City I told my acting coach and he was ecstatic! He promised to teach me to teach during my own training, and thats exactly what he did. Before I knew it I was teaching my own acting class and still do it till this day. If I hadn't taken that risk things could be very different for me today. This is just one way I have discovered a piece of my future through a risk.


    Another example of a risk I took didn't turn out as rewarding, but I still learned something. I once worked on an audition where the girl was coming home from the bar and gets in an argument with her one night stand gone wrong. I figured she would be hyped up and drunk. I worked on alcohol with my senses and recreated it in myself, while I ran down the streets of time square singing and blaring Lil Wayne in my headphones. I thought this would be appropriate energy for my audition. It was a highly ballsy risky move but I went for it all out. I think it was way too much for them and I was so in it that when they gave me correction I could barely adjust, I was just crazy from beginning to end. It didn't hit me till I was about 10 minutes out of there when I realized I really blew it! In this I learned to have control over my work instead of letting it control me. If I didn't go in there like that I wouldn't have been able to learn the lesson I learned. 


  I learned a great lesson of risk in a past relationship as well. All my friends told me he wasn't right for me and to get out, but I wasn't having it. I was risking my heart in hopes that I could save someone or help them. In the end I went through hell and back and my friends were all right, but I wouldn't have had the experience to gauge my future if I had never gone through it.


    We can never regret our pasts we can only use them to grow. We must make mistakes before we get it right. The gymnast must risk the fall to learn the flip, and the designer must risk a bad garment to figure out how to make it right. The artist must risk his brush stroke to feel out his painting. The couple must risk their hearts to find the love. The yogi must push the posture to progress his practice. The musician must risk ridicule before he makes the hit. A mother must risk her body to have the baby. The bird must fall out of the tree to open its wings.


Now we cannot take this extremely literal. Don't risk your life if you know you can die.


    You see, this world we live in we only have one life and in the end thats really the only thing we will ever have as our own. Our one body, and mind. If we look to the past generations the people who succeeded the most took the most risk and when they failed they didn't give up. I believe you should always believe in yourself and don't let yourself care what anyone else says or thinks. 


    Take advantage of these few years we have to fill our lives with whatever we please. If you sit in the safety zone forever you may never realize your potential. Be an example for others around you, inspiration is contagious and you may not only change your life but you could be helping everyone around you more than you'll ever realize!


    I am risking posting this right now because some people may judge me for it. I have gotten mixed comments from people constantly. Some people love what I write and some people joke about it. I must say I don't enjoy sarcastic comments about me thinking I'm buddha or something, but it doesn't bother me either because I don't think I am Buddha I think I am just like everyone else- no better or worse really-I just feel the need to express myself in this way and there is nothing wrong with that. If someone is sending you negative energy you need to realize it isn't you its them, so you can't take it to heart. Really you should wish those people the best more then others because they are the ones that need a boost of light.

“You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on.”

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

Addicted to Creativity....

       Recently I haven't had the chance to put out any blogs. There has been so much going on all at once it is crazy! Now I have too much to blog about so I'll give a quick overview of what I've been up to this last month and explain how it is all effecting me today....
~Shooting HBO "How To Make It In America"
~Filming a 1950's period piece, beautiful independent film!
~Working on a friends Final Audition to be  a lifetime member of The Actors Studio
(Those The River Keeps, by David Rabe)
~Working as crew for "Beauty Queen of Leenane" at The Actors Studio
~Taking class every sunday
~Teaching class as much as I was able to squeeze in.
~Going on auditions
~Having meetings for 2 films I am working on producing- A-List status.
~Dealing with personal everyday responsibilities.

In all of this I have not had a moment to spare- it is all  calming down, for now anyway.

I think my constant exercise of my creativity has got me addicted!

    My first actual day off of having work to do, I wanted to just take time for myself. I ended up doing a spring cleaning on my apartment and then reading a new play in the park with my dog. That night I came home stayed up all night painting. The next day I worked out, read another play, and had a pretty relaxed day. That night I continued on my painting, even though I knew I had to wake up early, I said just 30mins and go to bed. Next thing you know 2 hrs flew by and I had to peel myself away from my work to go to bed. While I was in bed my mind kept me up thinking about my next move with the paint brush. I believe my constant efforts to grow and create are unstoppable because I have been forced to do it everyday for so long..... Someone once told me "your are what you do everyday." This sat with me very well, because there isn't a day that goes by that isn't dedicated to my art. My work as an actress has only grown due to my love and commitment and respect for my work. There is always room for growth for everyone no matter what age or time in your life.

......I am a very positive person, yes! Buuuuuut it is hard to be this way, not always a breeze in the park. Life hands us a lot of obstacles- it is how we chose to deal with it. Without slip ups and falling down there is no way to learn how to fix it. Trial and error is the ancient way of discovery and that will never change. Taking risks and willing to fail without ego is the way to grow.....

Things that help me keep going:
~I have a visionary board framed in my apartment. In it are all goals that I want to become apart of my life.
~I have a list written hanging on my wall where I see it everyday. This list has all of my Longterm and Short term goals listed. (This has been updated numerous times because I get to check them off usually pretty often.)
~I have also written my future in red pen as if it has already happened. (For example instead I will be a well respected actress. I would write "I am the most well respected actress the world has ever seen, and I am forever grateful.")
~I constantly read books, inspirational quotes and pay attention to the success and failures of my peers to learn from them.
~When I am feeling down I try to make it beautiful through my art and that usually works it out.
~My guilty pleasure would be getting a foot message it relieves stress like no other for me.
~I am grateful everyday for being alive and healthy. I feel there are so many opportunities in front of us everyday and to just look past them would be selfishly silly.

Try out a few things for yourself and see how much you surprise yourself!

The Little Red Dress.....

      This winter was brutal in NYC, No?!  Well I can only speak for myself but I put on a warming layer of fat to endure the cold, at least thats how I like to look at it. Getting back in shape isn't as hard as we all think, its all about CONTROL and taking it one step at a time. I have to thank my Trainer Linze Schiller, at Equinox. Her energy is contagious and I always feel amazing after working out with her. When I told her I need to be camera ready in a few weeks she kicked my ass! Thank god! She helps me with everything from motivational speaking, to form, to working my personal problem zones, giving me a mix of strength and cardiovascular training. As well we talk about diet and how you need to eat for your desired body.

   First: You CANNOT starve yourself because it will work in reverse. Food is very important in a good workout routine. First thing I think is never call it a DIET! UUUGH I hate when people see me eat and are like OMG your eating that, but that isn't in your diet?!  One time this guy met me and said "so I hear all you eat is carrots." WHAT!? This really gets under my skin, I think  that's a lot of how disorders can start. When people constantly comment it makes you really conscious of what they said.  I realize you can't let other people influence your WAY OF LIFE. Since when is eating healthy being on a diet?- That should be considered normal. I think fruits, vegetables, proteins, and grains should all be incorporated in your food every day. Just stay away from processed food, its common sense, if its all chemicals and unnatural why would you put it in your body for nourishment? If you don't have the ingredients in your own kitchen you shouldn't allow it in your body. Another thing I put in my head is why do we eat? Well, we eat for energy.- I eat certain foods according to how much I am doing that day and when I need energy. There are so many ways to lose weight and tone up, but in the end Healthy Clean eating and Healthy Exercise is the best and most effective feel good "Diet."
          
  I have a lot of really beautiful dresses to wear on camera and the last thing I want to do is being self conscious, so the second I feel an urge for that late night snack, I say well the snack will be there tomorrow so whats the rush!

Woman have a lot of pressure to look thin because of society. You don't need to be skin and bones, it doesn't look as good as we think. What looks good is someone who is confident in your own skin, so take time for yourself, do a body scrub and stretch, breath and enjoy yourself because this is who you are.

Thanks to my Trainer motivating me to get going, I learned I can motivate myself by making healthy life choices. I notice when I feel good it is easier to keep up a good attitude but when I'm not feeling my best its harder to get back on track because it puts added stress where it is not necessary. I had a great day with Linze today and I am feeling confident in my body so I thought it is a good valid topic to help out my fellow ladies. I have learned A LOT about fitness so please let me know if anyone would like some advice. I am not a dietitian or anything but I have accumulated a large amount on knowledge in these areas and it feels waisted keeping it just for myself. I want to share it!

My Little Red Dress looks great now! Thanks Linze

Life works in crazy ways....

               I wanted to blog about how great my experience was on set for the first day of shooting for HBO but things have been so crazy that I almost don't have the energy to type anything. So all in all it was an amazing shoot with very technically difficult blocking, push and pull, etc. I did my thing and got a huge hug from the Show Runner/ Writer and the Director. This is a good sign! That means he liked my work and can write me in more of the show as time goes on. Today was also a really great day! I had a last minute audition. I got the word late last night that I needed to audition for this girl who is a Russian Immigrant Stripper. I went straight to work on a Russian Accent and didn't break it once all the way through to the audition. When I walked in I was the Russian girl. I Told them I was from Russia and they believed me the whole way! I told them this long monologue and in the end they asked me, did this really happen to you? The monologue was about a girl and abuse. I laughed and said no way its just the lines you provided me with but I was talking about something true to me just covering it up with your lines. They asked can you do an american accent! I said of coarse I worked very hard on it. So i did it again with my real voice and after I said you no I don't really have a Russian Accent I was just seeing if I could fool you. All their mouths dropped and they were like wow you can get emotional and have an accent that was amazing we were completely fooled by you. It was great, then they had me do some other scenes and in the end I got the callback for tomorrow! Wooo..... but then family issues come in to play and my day went down hill! I don't want to get too in to it but it is just not a good situation that my family is going through right now and I've been crying pretty much the rest of the night. I went to dance class to try and get my mind off it. It worked a little but the second I got back home, out came the water works again.
       It is wild how life gets really good and everything is great and suddenly BOOM its a wreck in the matter of seconds! I say the harder you fall the higher you bounce according to what your made of. I am so exhausted though right now and can't get in to too much detail. I need to work on getting this monologue off book for my audition again tomorrow and go to bed! My manager wants to bring me to set tonight and I really don't feel up too it. My eyes are all puffy and not sure I want to be around the HBO crew in this condition. We will see I guess. Whatever happens in life is put there to condition us for whats coming next.  Since it just got tough that means there is something really great coming soon! At least I have to think this way otherwise it would be hard to keep marching on. Winston Churchill said "When in hell keep moving!" He is right and thats what we all must do. Luckily as an actress I can use this to be creative in my work. It can be looked at as a gem instead of coal.
     I am not really that spiritual but I pray for things with my family to get better!!!
Hope all is well with everyone and remember: After a Hurricane Comes a Rainbow!
~Alexandra xo