Do you ever find yourself lost in a dream only your wide awake? Your eyes don't blink, but only flutter while you feel your gaze blurred and frozen in a moment? It's like your aware that your in this trance yet you allow yourself to be paralyzed?
I constantly find myself fantasizing about leaving my whole life. Just up and getting on a plane to a foreign land. What if one day you just shut off your phone, and never look into the Internet. I wonder about possibly leaving my social media like a ghost town. And wandering the world under new pretenses. I would live minimal of course and find ways to make money. I look at this fantasy I have and wonder about it often. I laugh and think, yeah right I could never do that. But why not? So what If I have worked my whole life to have my profession, my friends, and life that I live. If I leave it all, will that actually diminish all of my experience? No. I would still be evolved from it, but I won't have the physical things to gauge my existence. What if we allow ourselves to let go of that routine we hold so close? The gym, hair, drinks at our favorite spot. The constant hustle to get another job, to buy another dress, to walk another Red Carpet. All for what? Our happiness is not based on our possessions, though we are all victims of measuring our success through material things. What do I have to show for myself? Well, if I am happy inside I can spread my joy and my wisdom and that should be enough.
It seems silly to me to even put these words into writing. You see, I enjoy my work, I enjoy my art and my routine and my adventures that pop up in between the norm. But, I still wonder about the peace of not caring about any of that. About going away with a sketchpad and a few pencils. To wear comfortable shoes and have a small bag of casual clothes. I might collect things along the way and document my hearts stirrings. But, then where would I end up? We will never know....and may never know. I don't think I'll actually ever do it. It is interesting to imagine it.
It is amazing how one moment and one choice will always alter our destiny in some way. Sometimes it isn't even immediately visible, and sometimes it is extremely apparent. Looking at that image can be quite cathartic. There are so may ways to look at one thing. It is all completely subjective, but the opinion our individual brains have on each moment are really just a balance of our past experiences. No person is really right or wrong about their opinion, because it is their opinion based on the knowledge they chose for themselves, whether it be intentionally learned or not. We all live with our greatest intentions in mind. Even evil comes from good intentions. There is something in this evil deed that will come from a place of need. The need is always going to grow out of our individual experiences, melding us into this one creature at this moment, and once the moment has passed and the choice is made, there is no going back. Our choices may not always seem right, but they must be accepted in order to reap some sort of benefit from it.
I made the choice to be an Actress, just one day when someone told me at a random lunch I didn't even want to go to, that I can make my dreams come true and to just give it a solid try. That single moment changed my destiny.
I am not looking at this broad spectrum of possibility to freak myself out or to become paranoid about my every move, but to be open and willing to not force my destiny. To allow my best intentions to open each passage to the next experience.
Wonder and imagination are such beautiful gifts we are all given. As children we have endless imaginations and the only thing that ever changes those views are strikes to the heart. I advise for us all to allow our greatest imaginations to take over. Even if you are the most serious Lawyer in the world or an Artist who paints in a random basement. The tangible world around us is only one factor of what we perceive. Our dreams and our inner worlds are really what makes our souls become who we are, thus causing our world to look and feel the way it does.
I am a little nervous to share this. I wonder why? Maybe because I have shared something quite broad and vulnerable as this once before and wasn't taken seriously or I caused some sort of unease that I wasn't intending. Just know if you just read this passage, I am being open, honest, and a bit brave about sharing my view. It doesn't mean I am asking for anyone to agree with me or not. I truly believe in communication being a huge part of our society. Our future, our past, and our present. All of which are determined by the communication of our countries and our communities. We should all feel free to speak our truth, as long as it is true to your heart and not a way of violating another. If you want to violate someone, I think you should try to see deeper into the cause of that and find the most tactile way to approach the issue. When someone violates another, essentially it is with the intention of proving your own view. We cannot ever expect anyone to respond to negativity in a positive way. Some may be able to cope with it, but most will not and it will only make the problem worse. We should do ourselves the favor by not reacting emotionally but letting our emotions absorb and digest in order to react with a conscious effort.
Ha this has turned into quite a different blog than I intended..... ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment