Frustration, Priorities and Work

  Dear Work,
     Today I had to shoot Kiki and Claude. I haven't been sleeping lately because I have so much going on in my head. I have been tossing and turning all over the place with random lines from my work being mumbled. Last night I woke up in my CLOSET! I literally pulled down one of the poles with all my clothes on to my head. I was having a dream about shooting a scene and next thing you know I'm covered in clothes. I dragged myself back to bed and kept tossing. Work gets slow and busy so fast! Some months I only have auditions and not too much work going except the usual class work, studying, etc. Then all of a sudden I book 4 jobs at the same time! I want to do them all but I think I am realizing now that I need to be more realistic. It is mental overload! The lack of sleep is throwing off my focus.
   I asked myself this afternoon, what is better? Do all the projects and not be your best, or Pick the best ones and rock it? Sounds simple, Rock it right? Well today I learned that lesson. I went to the set of Kiki and Claude exhausted without my lines down just right and it did an okay job after a few takes though. I never want to feel like I am not prepared ever again! You may be in shock if you know me right now, because I AM ALWAYS PREPARED! I tried my hardest but this show isn't my top Priority. I can't tell the production that though! Also it isn't like its not a good project it just isn't the biggest one I have going right now. If I had more time in the day I could have rocked it on the first take like I usually do.
   This made me feel really bad today, and made me actually question my own work/talent. I thought I don't know what the hell I am doing! All this work! All this money spent! Hours and hours of training and practice and I can't do a few relaxed lines! What is going on here?! As soon as I heard this in my head I had to take a step back and look at the big picture. I should have not taken this project I have too many other things going on that it just isn't fare to myself or to them to not give them my all. I know I've got it, I have proved it over and over again. It isn't about the talent its about organizing a logical work schedule.
   I had to vent a little because I have some huge things coming my way right now and Marlon Brando was right, there are times we think I forgot everything! But then we refocus and realize ahhh no I was just overwhelmed. Time to refocus write down a list of priorities and a schedule for when to work on them. I feel soooo much better! Thanks for listening! We all have down days and right now I am scheduling a nap before I start working on the film My Butterfly.

FYI: Besides Kiki and Claude today, I am also working as a recurring for HBO series, An amazing character driven Period piece film "My Butterfly," A final audition for The Actors Studio lifetime membership, David Rabe's "Those The River Keeps," Also an audition this week for a role in a feature that they want me off book. During this I need to exercise to look good on camera, teach my acting class, take my acting class, work on lines, different characters, and try to get time for eating and sleeping along with the regular everyday working world. (Cleaning, bills, errands, emails, promo, etc.) It is sooooo much! So people don't realize how much work it is to be an actress. Then at the end of the day there is no time for friends and family, so we are alone throughout most of it. I LOVE my job more than anything, it is not like any other job and I work hard because it feeds me creatively. I get high from it, I don't need drugs I just need my work. So there it is my rant!
With All My Heart,
Alexandra

You Rock My World.....

Minute 6 was my dance...Also Marlon Is in the video!

      My first really big job was playing the part of Linda in the Bollywood film Badmaash Company. This was a giant Studio Blockbuster for them. Doing this film opened so many doors for me. Just to show how hard you have to work i'll share how I got this part.
       I saw on actorsaccess a listing that fit my description. I submitted for the roll to Rita Powers Casting. She happened to be very good friends with my Manager at the time Ingrid French. She brought me in for the audition. I worked with my acting coach and on my own for hours to find the character in me. I drove out to Philly for the 1st call. I had a great audition! They were very impressed with me and called me back! The callback was set the same day that I was getting my wisdom teeth extracted! There was no way around it so I went in for surgery and had a friend drive me with my bags packed, with my outfit and makeup for the character ready. My mouth was extremely swollen and I was in a lot of pain because I didn't want to take medicine that would make me loopy. When I got to the audition I explained to the Director that I was swollen but can still do the part. I had a great audition even though I was a little slurred. I didn't hear anything back though.
    About 1 week later I get my actorsaccess feed with the listing of Linda. wahwahwahhhh........Okay so they are still looking for the role, this means I didn't get it, but this also means no one else did either. I called my manager immediately and said "You need to get me another audition, Please! I know I can get this role, I feel it. I can do better." 5 minutes later she called me back and said they'll see you again in NY next week. WOOOO now I thought I gotta rock it!
   The character was Michael Jacksons backup dancer, so I studied him like crazy! I found a dance from one of his songs, burned the song on a cd, and learned the dance from the music video. I drove an hour to NJ where a friends of mine was going to help me in her gym after hours to learn the dance. (This wasn't required for the audition.) We stayed up till 4 a.m learning this extremely difficult dance. The rest of the days leading up to the audition I danced and worked on my scene with my coach.
   When I walked in to the audition the Director wasn't there yet just the casting director. I brought my stereo with me to play the song and do the dance. She said "well they really don't have time to see the dance but that was a nice thought." Boooooooo! I asked her, "Well can I show you? I spent so much time learning it, I'll be quick before they get here." She said yeah thats fine. I rocked it in front of her and halfway through they came walking in the doors and I just kept going. After I was out of breath and ran up to shake their hand and thank them for seeing me again. We did the scene and I left. I felt great, but still no call.
   Literally a month later my manager calls me and tells me I got the role! It was the best news I could have heard. I danced and cried like a mad woman. I worked so hard on my character even though she wasn't a lead she was very important.  I learned- always play the part like its the last time you'll ever work. Go hard or go home! I even got Rosetta Stone to learn Hindi just to make small talk on set and impress them.
    This experience had me shooting in Philly, NYC, Atlantic City, Thailand, and Mumbai! I traveled around the world and got the A-List treatment. I did my work and always delivered. My Director Parmeet Sethi told me during the wrap party, "Do you know why I hired you? There were a lot of great reads. You were very talented but my final decision was because of your energy. You worked so hard and had such a positive light that I thought thats the kind of person I want on my set." I'll never forget this!
   This audition was about 2 years ago and last night I was in dance class and guess what song we were dancing to? You Rock My World, by Michael Jackson. This threw my sense memory back to that day and I welled up with tears. The journey I have taken to get to where I am today has been endless hard work. Blood sweat and tears constantly. Then I realized, wow it's only just begun.......

My Own True Hollywood Story......

      How did you get to where you are? I get this question constantly. This could turn out to be a long story.....I grew up in New Jersey(Its a whole other story why I tell everyone I am from NY) But in NJ I was working at a designer clothing boutique, Coco Pari. This job made me grow up really fast. I loved it there, it was family. Now my whole life I have dreamed of being an Actress. As a little girl I would shoot movies with my dads camera and edit them (I'll have to dig them up and post it in the future.) I took a summer theater class when I was 6 and loved it! I remember wanting a bigger part but I was too young. (This made me so mad!) Throughout my whole life I would get on tables and sing and dance to whoever I could get to watch me. My mom tells me I would put on the Juke Box and dance in the dinner to Paradise City. Then in middle school I auditioned for the play, Bye Bye Birdie. I remember it like it was yesterday! I was in 6th grade and the 8th graders were auditioning me. I worked so hard and went in there really confident. I remember I Bombed and they all laughed at me. A piece of me was broken that day, I cried my whole walk home. Later that same year my sister wanted to join cheerleading and as the nagging little sister I had to do it too. I found my shine again! I fell in love and was always striving to be front and center. I was the flyer and soon succeeded to higher and higher levels. I worked so hard at gymnastics and dance, stunts, jumps, etc. My dedication was born in this world of competitive cheerleading. My mother was always there at every practice with me, and watched every competition. She probably still doesn't know how much I loved making her proud. In 7th grade I broke my arm in half literally while practicing. I lied there with my forearm snapped in half, hand touching my elbow, crying. My coach, teammates, a police officer, medics, all stood over me like in the movies when you feel like there is a bunch of floating heads. I remember all I said was, "Was it a good flip? Did it look good? How long till I can come back, it isn't that bad right!?" I wasn't focused on anything accept that this would be a set back. This full arm cast still didn't hold me back. I went through multiple surgeries, but never missed a practice! They even let me compete! It took me 6months before I could get it off and start to go through physical therapy. The Doctors said I would never have full circulation and strength in my left arm and hand. I proved them wrong!!!! My career as a performer continued. All the way through high-school. I ended up becoming captain of a World Championship, multi-national winning team. World Cup Odyssey-  Large Senior Co-Ed Advanced devision. The feeling of earning those titles and hearing the audience scream for us was the best feeling I have ever had in my life. It was like millions of hugs full of love wafting over our adrenalin filled bodies.

          Now later in high-school I started falling in to that typical  class skipping, party going kind of girl. This completely pulled me out of cheerleading and in to another world. During this time I quit cheerleading and got a job at Coco Pari in Red Bank NJ. My boss straightened my ass out quick! I would show up late and hung over and he didn't fire me (THANK GOD!!) He gave me the best advice- He said "Listen you need to give everything you have to everything you do no matter what! If your are the Garbage Man be the best god damn garbage man the world has ever seen, because you will cary that with you for the rest of your life. This commitment will be a pattern and cary over in all of your work and you'll be successful!" Hearing this changed something in me. I thought, well I've always been like that! In my whole life, in art class, in cheerleading, everywhere I was that person and now I am slacking, what am I doing? At that moment I changed everything! I stopping hanging out with the group of people, I quit that lifesyle, and I was never late to work. I worked full time and became the best worker I could be. After just 6 months I was training the new girls! (There were girls working there over 6 years and he wanted ME to train the new girls! I took this as an extremely high honor.) Everyday in that store was a performance. When we were on that sales floor it was always a show. My desire for performance wasn't being fulfilled enough still. The girls would laugh at me because I would take on the customers accent and change myself to fit each different clients personality. This made me really great at selling because everyone thought I was someone else who they could relate to. In actuality I wasn't, but I put on the act and committed to it without even trying. I would watch TV and movies and always dream of being up there. I said I can do that, how can all those people get there and not me? Its possible, I know I can do it, but how?

           There was a bar down the street where my coworkers and I would go to party after work. Yes, I was underage, but thats besides the point. I met these guys that said they were producing a film and I should come to the casting. (This is usually never true, so you know! But they were actually legit.) I got the script and worked my ass off. I had no idea what I was doing but I went for it. I lied to my boss because I knew he wanted me to stay in the store and would discourage me from veering off. The audition was at a comedy club in Manhattan. I went in there and somehow blew the roof off. It was a horror film and I went all out. I got a callback! Can you believe it, hah wow, the 1st audition I've been on since the Bye Bye Birdie incident. I went to the call back and didn't get the part. I was pretty crushed. I returned to work the next day and a long time client came in, Bruce Springstein. He became a friend over the few years I worked there and we went to the same gym together. Since he was a performer as well I always told him how I had the itch to be in the game. When he came in that day I told him my whole story. He said, "Training Darling. You need to train like you did in cheerleading, like you did here. Learn your craft, it doesn't come easy." Wow, he is right! I HAVE TO WORK HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE TO GET IT! I immediately started taking Meisner Technique classes in NY. Between work and running in and out for class I was so busy! I knew my boss didn't like me taking classes but I didn't care I felt like I was going somewhere with it. I started meeting people and finding out about little auditions. I began lying to the bossman saying I was sick to go on auditions.

           One day, of coarse this would happen to me, I called him and said I had the worst stomach flu, I went all out as per my usual and made myself sound really sick. Now I am on the parkway driving in to the city and who pulls up next to me? Yeah! HIM, he looks and me and we are going  75mph windows down and he yells YOU DON'T LOOK SICK!!! Ohhh no I was caught! Later that day I apologized and soon after said, I'll stay till after Christmas so I won't leave at the busiest time of the year. But then I am going to have to quit and persue my dreams. My father was living in NY and said I could come and take his apt! I was always a daddies girl and when him and my mom divorced we never really had time together. He wanted me in the city and I wanted to come. I packed up everything, sold my car, broke up with my boyfriend, started fresh and said this is it, I am doing it! Nothing can stop me. How can you fail at something if you give it your all everyday? It is impossible I can not fail- I will not take no for an answer!

           When I got to the city I had no idea where to look. I was settled in just a few days later. My father invited me out to lunch. I went with him and 8 of his guy friends. They said what are you doing here in the city. I explained myself and one man said well my cousin is Brooke Thomas. She is the head of one of the largest commercial casting houses in NYC. i'll set you up with a meeting with her. I couldn't have been more excited. The universe is handing it to me. I went and picked her brain for well over an hour taking notes on, head shots, training, auditions, websites,networking, everything she could tell me she did! She advised I work with Gary Swanson, Method Actor Guru. I called him that night and started training with him the next day. I quit Meisner to do Method, great move on my part. Since I didn't know anyone in the city I spent as many days possible with this man. Gary had been teaching for well over 30 years and was Lee's favorite student. I think Gary is Genius! My dad fully supported me and paid for private lessons with him twice a week and a 3rd day was his group class. I really couldn't have done anything if it wasn't for my fathers support. Other days I spent reading and studying everything the he advised to me. I would clean his apt and scrub his bathroom just to get time to hear what he was saying. I also took this class called NuStars that I found online. It wasn't a scam but they didn't teach you how to act, they taught what casting people look for in auditions. This is still very helpful. At the end of the program there was a showcase. I remember I did a Maybeline commercial. This woman Ingrid French, a manager, said wow that was really warm. Great job! I actually have an audition for you tomorrow if you could make it. I was so excited! I said of coarse yes I can be there. It was for a commercial as a CHEERLEADER! I went and booked it! (It is on my reel actually with the fire.) I couldn't believe it was happening so fast. Before I knew it I was shooting and getting paid. Ingrid offered me a contract, but I said lets freelance and we'll see how it goes. ANOTHER GOOD MOVE. She was great I was booking work left and right. Gary was training me on all my auditions and working on classic plays in class. I did 2 summer long intensives with him constructed like they did in The Group Theater and my life was changing fast. The work of a Method Actor is extremely deep. I was always open and emotional. I booked a job on a giant studio film, BOLLYWOOD! I traveled at 19 alone to Thailand, and India. This was an amazing experience. Gary is good friends with a man, Michael Bregman. They met on a movie he produced, The Bone Collector. Michael was big in the industry so I asked him to come see my movie. He thought I was great and had also watched some work I did in class. I  said I need a real agent. I want to join the Union. Ingrid is only non-union. He told me make a reel.

            AHHHHH this was so hard! I got Final Cut Pro- became self taught. It was like pulling teeth to get footage from people. I went through hours and hours of work. I sat in front of my computer 10hrs at a time for weeks to get this thing right. Once all the kinks were worked out he said "okay, good job, I want to manage you and we'll get you an agent. I don't know anyone that works harder than you. You believe so I believe it."  Finally I got signed with Innovative Artists Agency in their Legit Division with Jaime Misher. She is so amazing! I left Ingrid to play with the big dogs. I booked a part in the movie "Shame" with some of my favorite actors. The Director was British Academy award winner Steve McQueen, staring Carey Mulligan, and Michael Fassbender. Avy Kauffman is a huge A-list film casting director and booked me! My Agent then said get new head shots, and we are going to get you out even more. I was getting callbacks for major Pilots and one of them that I read for 3times was given to Christina Ricci. Just to be in the ranks with her was something I couldn't absorb. I soon branched off in my agency and got signed with my commercial and VO dept. Now I have 3 agents all at Innovative and one amazing Manager who only has me and Luis Guzman. Another honor to he in his world.

            During this time Gary had some personal matters to handle and in his long term of teaching took a step to the side and asked me to teach the class!!!! Another honor! I realized I loved teaching when I was in Mumbai. One of the lead actors owns their largest acting school out there and asked me to do a 2hr lecture. It was crazy, I had no prep but I just went for it and found out I know a lot more than I realized.

      I have been teaching class for a long time now and have expanded it as my own. I audition and book work constantly. Since Gary stopped teaching I started working with Elizabeth Kemp who has shed a whole new light on my acting training. I also graduated 2 levels at the UCB Longform Comedy Improv school. (I plan to continue) My life now consists of constant hard work and its only just begun! I teach class, take class, attend session at The Actors Studio. I've put work up on the same stage that all the greats have done their growing work. Marlon Brando, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Mickey Rourke, Sean Penn, Ellen Burstyn, just to name a few. To sit in the same room where Elia Kazan, Lee Strasberg, Tennessee Williams, Arthur Miller, Shelly Winters, Sheryl Crawford and soooooo many more have worked is something I could have never even dreamed of. Now I booked the HBO series, I am doing an amazing period piece film in May with an amazing cast and crew. I couldn't be more blessed and grateful.

            There is a lot of struggle involved. I shared mostly my steps up the latter but there has been many times I have fell down the stairs and didn't think I could get up. Something in my will, my warrior keeps fighting and climbing back up to the next step. I'll never stop and I'll never fail. I will fall and it will get hard, but I will always keep going because its in my heart. It is every breath I take. And with this loooong story I hope you take with you the inspiration of knowing whatever you want for yourself go get it. Just figure it out! There is always a way.

Limitless Bradly Cooper.....

Check out the movie Limitless. I saw the movie poster and thought oi it looks like an action flick, not usually my cup of tea. I really like Bradlys work so I thought lets check it out. Okay well I think he's super cute too but anyway.......I have never been more blown away by anything I've seen him in. He was so great! Of coarse I come home and first thing I look up is where he was training. His teacher is Elizabeth Kemp, ummm wow thats my teacher! Yey for Method Actors! How do I find out? I watched inside the actors studio and there she is, and he is getting really emotional. It was such a touching moment to witness because it shows that we all come from nothing and turn ourselves in to whatever we want. I can not wait till the day I am featured on inside the actors studio! Check it out......

Bradly Cooper- Inside The Actors Studio 1/4

April 12, 2011

For the last few days I have been going crazy thinking about this call back I had on a big audition. I never get excited about auditions because it is no use getting hung up  on something that is not in your control. I LOVE having control so I had to tell myself along time ago to let it go when it comes to this. I train really hard everyday to become a better actress. There isn't a day or even a second that goes by where my focus and concentration aren't going for my goals. What are my goals? Just to be wonderful and to move and inspire people! Annnnnyway back to this audition. It was a 5th callback for the HBO series How To Make It In America. I had a gut feeling that I got it, I mean 5 callbacks come-on! So I worked hours on every audition and gave them my all as always. The final audition was on wed last week. I thought ok friday the latest i'll find out. Nothin! So Monday...loong weekend tried forgetting about it. Monday Night comes and nothing. At this point I came to terms that I wasn't going to get it. Then this afternoon I get a phone call its 3way with my Manager and Agent! I knew it, they said well we have good news! You got the role and you'll be recurring for many more episodes!!!! I think i said, "No Fucking way!! Thank you- this is so exciting!" Jaime my agent said, babe you worked your magic in that room over and over again- You deserve it! I jumped around and laughed a cried for a few minutes, made some phone calls and relaxed. Ahhhh finally something BIG! I realized something about myself. As a human we must be patient and just work hard and believe always! Believe in everything that we want and believe if we go for it that there is no way anything will stop us. I go through life like nothing can stand in my way. Generally I live moment to moment. I don't no if its due to my Method training or what but my emotions are all over the place and I do go through depression and sadness from time to time. Usually the thing that gets me back quickly is my work. I find something artistic and force myself to get involved- before I know it I am thriving again. Also Exercise is a big part of it! I love to have a good workout- you'll never regret a workout. I plan to continue writing these life experiences because I want anyone reading to see how I am getting somewhere from nothing. We all want something and the only thing holding us back is self doubt and that it. Where there is a will there is a way! It true. I have been inspired over and over by peoples stories of success. The over all theme is usually what I like to say, "Don't Stop, Won't Stop!"  Thanks for listening- all the best to you!