Frustration, Priorities and Work

  Dear Work,
     Today I had to shoot Kiki and Claude. I haven't been sleeping lately because I have so much going on in my head. I have been tossing and turning all over the place with random lines from my work being mumbled. Last night I woke up in my CLOSET! I literally pulled down one of the poles with all my clothes on to my head. I was having a dream about shooting a scene and next thing you know I'm covered in clothes. I dragged myself back to bed and kept tossing. Work gets slow and busy so fast! Some months I only have auditions and not too much work going except the usual class work, studying, etc. Then all of a sudden I book 4 jobs at the same time! I want to do them all but I think I am realizing now that I need to be more realistic. It is mental overload! The lack of sleep is throwing off my focus.
   I asked myself this afternoon, what is better? Do all the projects and not be your best, or Pick the best ones and rock it? Sounds simple, Rock it right? Well today I learned that lesson. I went to the set of Kiki and Claude exhausted without my lines down just right and it did an okay job after a few takes though. I never want to feel like I am not prepared ever again! You may be in shock if you know me right now, because I AM ALWAYS PREPARED! I tried my hardest but this show isn't my top Priority. I can't tell the production that though! Also it isn't like its not a good project it just isn't the biggest one I have going right now. If I had more time in the day I could have rocked it on the first take like I usually do.
   This made me feel really bad today, and made me actually question my own work/talent. I thought I don't know what the hell I am doing! All this work! All this money spent! Hours and hours of training and practice and I can't do a few relaxed lines! What is going on here?! As soon as I heard this in my head I had to take a step back and look at the big picture. I should have not taken this project I have too many other things going on that it just isn't fare to myself or to them to not give them my all. I know I've got it, I have proved it over and over again. It isn't about the talent its about organizing a logical work schedule.
   I had to vent a little because I have some huge things coming my way right now and Marlon Brando was right, there are times we think I forgot everything! But then we refocus and realize ahhh no I was just overwhelmed. Time to refocus write down a list of priorities and a schedule for when to work on them. I feel soooo much better! Thanks for listening! We all have down days and right now I am scheduling a nap before I start working on the film My Butterfly.

FYI: Besides Kiki and Claude today, I am also working as a recurring for HBO series, An amazing character driven Period piece film "My Butterfly," A final audition for The Actors Studio lifetime membership, David Rabe's "Those The River Keeps," Also an audition this week for a role in a feature that they want me off book. During this I need to exercise to look good on camera, teach my acting class, take my acting class, work on lines, different characters, and try to get time for eating and sleeping along with the regular everyday working world. (Cleaning, bills, errands, emails, promo, etc.) It is sooooo much! So people don't realize how much work it is to be an actress. Then at the end of the day there is no time for friends and family, so we are alone throughout most of it. I LOVE my job more than anything, it is not like any other job and I work hard because it feeds me creatively. I get high from it, I don't need drugs I just need my work. So there it is my rant!
With All My Heart,
Alexandra